I haven’t blogged lately since my whole body has been rebelling against me and I’ve barely had the energy/focus to yell “f**k you” to all my failing parts. Right now, I’m fighting a particularly female complaint, but in a new way for me.

I’m the least feminine straight woman in the universe, but that does not absolve me from basic physiology. When that time of the month rolls around, there’s not a refusal option offered. But, with age, things are changing and in a bad way. More pain, more “product,” more bloating and foul moods… Things really went into high gear this year and I’m hoping it spells the beginning of the end.

I’m 45 now and am making sacrifices to every god I can think of that menopause is settling in. Difficulty sleeping? Check. No night sweats, per se, but lots of waking up boiling hot and having to toss off the covers and trying to cool down under the ceiling fan. Mental mismanagement? Yep. Some days, my brain just won’t pull itself together for love or money. I can’t say I’m upset over this, actually, I’m delighted. I’m not going to have any kids and kicking this monthly curse to the curb is not something I’m going to complain about. I just have to make it through the obstacle course of getting there, in a single piece.

When this week of hell hits, it can also cajole my other issues into joining the party. Luckily, my up/down problem showed up with “up” carrying the bottle of wine and I ran myself ragged in the yard on Friday cutting grass, weed whacking, cutting away/pulling out that awful cane plant and it’s tendril children, raking dying plants out of the flower beds, hauling things to the composting station… So +1 in my win column. If that’s the only win I get, I’ll take it with pride.

Really feel like writing today, someone punched me below my belly-button and left their fist behind, so I can hardly sit upright. I’m going to spend an hour or so now lying on my back watching Food Channel and laying a dog on my abdomen in place of the hot water bottle I don’t own. Tough times call for tough measures…